Relationship Status: Complicated

When it comes to relationships, I am no guru.  I haven't had a serious relationship since high school (wondering if i can use the word serious in that sentence at all).  Oi, cut me some slack...you can't imagine how hard it is to find a suitable Jesus-loving homo in the backwoods places I've found myself over the last decade.  That's a different blog altogether.
Wait.  That's not entirely true.  There is one, a lover that continually and very persistently causes me to swoon.  She beckons and calls and I come running.  Her name is La France and for whatever reason, it always ends in some sort of fireball trainwreck.  My eyes are glazing over just thinking about her.  All things good come from her...think of the words even English speakers use to describe the goods...'haute cuisine,' 'haute couture,'  the 'champagne of beers.'  I've been burned before, more than once.  And I'm currently in the throes yet again.  Over the last two months, we've been 'on again,' real hot and heavy, and then 'off again,' frustratingly cold.
I was all set to jump from the Hunter Valley in Australia to Alsace where the holy grail of jobs awaited me, chez Audrey et Christian Binner.  Oh, man were we 'on again.'  If you've dabbled in the 'natural wine' scene, you've most assuredly seen these, drank these and experienced 'une peine de coeur.'  They are heartbreakingly good wines.  What my fickle lover, France, had failed to mention, however, was that my assumption that I'd be working under the table sans visa was entirely wrong.  A week before my scheduled flight, Audrey politely asked me to send along copies of some documents to get the administrative stuff in order.  Passport and work visa, s'ils vous plait.  S'ils me plait?  No, NO it doesn't please me...because I don't have an effing work visa.  Wow...its a good thing my darling France makes it real easy to get one of those.

Oh wait, no she doesn't.  Off again.